Are Your Tomatoes Firm?
by Tentaculiferous
Summary: It's an ordinary day for Sasha, getting her shopping done at Dauper's only grocery store, when she spots something new. The latest hire is downright heavenly, straight out of her dreams, and her name is Mikasa Ackerman. Unfortunately for Sasha, she's not the only one who's noticed the beautiful new clerk in town. MODERN GROCERY STORE AU, Mikasasha, other pairings. F/F, M/M, M/F
1. Are Your Tomatoes Firm?

A/N: So I've never written a modern AU before but someone on tumblr suggested the prompt: "mikasa/sasha grocery store au. like mikasa works as a cashier and Sasha gets that cliche crush on the clerk" and it was just such a neat idea I had to run with it. Though I have to say, I didn't know getting a crush on grocery clerks was a thing, so maybe it's not quite that cliche :P

Everyone in the fic, btw, is aged up to their early or mid twenties.

* * *

Titan Food was the only grocery store in the town of Dauper. It stood out from the other buildings downtown, reasonably spry in comparison to the aging brick storefronts that lined up across from it, sad and faded. It was long and freshly painted and well-lit, and Sasha loved going to it.

Inside it had vast heaps of fresh vegetables and fruits, and Sasha had never found a moldy tomato among the many ruby red offerings, unlike the one time she'd shopped in Yalkell. Sasha wrinkled her face just thinking about it; that had been a sad experience. So much food, so potentially delicious, but left to go overripe and rotten, or wilted and sad.

As she hefted ripe, firm tomatoes and gathered up fresh, crisp lettuce, all thoughts of the yucky grocery stores in other towns left her. She hummed as she headed for the dairy section where she picked out sour cream and a few containers of plain yogurt. As her natural joy at being surrounded by food built, she started whistling as she strolled through the pasta aisle, grabbing up bags of rotini (buy one get one free!). By the time she'd wandered into the largest meat selection in the county to pick out some steaks (she had stores of venison and pork, and kept goats, but she wanted nothing to do with the upkeep of cows) she was singing under her breath (or at least, she believed she was), and was working her way through her favorite songs that touched on her favorite subject: meat.

She was still singing when she arrived up at the checkout counter. There was no line; Sasha woke at dawn every morning and usually got her shopping out of the way be ten, before any store was crowded. The clerk waiting at the end of the conveyor belt was speedy; as soon as the customer appeared in her field of vision, she was spinning around and racing to her cash register.

As such, Sasha didn't see anything unusual about her at all, at first. Just the back of a slim young girl, clad in the usual black work pants, white button-up dress shirt, and green apron. Sleek black hair whooshed through the hair for a second, but Sasha was already grabbing up handfuls of food to stack on the conveyor.

The rapid beeping of the scanner made Sasha glance up. The cashier's hands moved in a steady blur, the packages of food barely having time to register their prices on the digital readout before another took their place, and the girl was somehow managing to bag them all the while.

That wasn't what made Sasha gape like a moron at the girl though.

Instead it was her face; seemingly expressionless but full of a gentle wisdom. Sasha could tell by the soft, relaxed curve of her lips that she was kind, the kind of girl that wouldn't hurt a spider, that would never utter a harsh word or a curse. She was full of laughter, love, and shyness. Sasha could practically see them together, running through fields of meadow flowers together, the girl's worshipful awe as Sasha revealed all the edible mosses and algae to her, her blushing, tearful face when Sasha bestowed that first chaste kiss on her lips...

Sasha was full of beautiful dreams. Unfortunately, reality had to intrude.

"Do you have your Titan Card today?" the girl asked.

Sasha quailed at that voice. It was dry, cold, and emotionless. The voice of someone who had never felt shy in her life, and probably didn't even understand the concept. It could not possibly belong to her dream girl!

The cold gray stare made Sasha feel like a deer that had been pinned in place by oncoming headlights. She fumbled with her wallet, finally pulling the slim green card with its absurd logo of a giant, naked sexless man and the letters spelling out "Titan Food" in a Gothic font.

The girl held out her hand (slim and delicate and _perfect_, Sasha's mind whispered) and Sasha's fingers trembled as she gave her the card.

The girl (Mika? Her long black hair was covering part of her name badge) efficiently swiped it through the register.

"You have two dollars in points. Would you like to use them today?" Mika asked. Her monotone voice was disturbing, as if she were utterly removed from the store and even the world it existed in. Sasha wondered if that was what minimum-wage work did to people.

"Er...yes! That will spare me paying for these potatoes!" Sasha gabbled on. She patted the bag of potatoes with frantic energy. God, she was being so weird and the worst part was, she knew it.

Without saying another word, Mika applied the points and printed the receipt, handing it over to Sasha and then walking by her and down to the end of the checkout aisle, to await the next customer.

Sasha stared after her, burning the image of this strange young woman into her mind. Her heart was pounding oddly hard, and so intent was she on the new cashier that she did not even notice the arrival of a familiar face.

"You want me to take these out, Sasha?"

"Yaaahhhh!" she yelped, and flung the bag of potatoes in her surprise.

They went sailing toward the head of the horse-faced young man she'd gone to school with, Jean Kirschstein. Fortunately for him, his reflexes were good. Instead of clobbering him right smack in the middle of the face, it just clipped him on the ear as he hastily dodged.

"What the hell Braus!?"

"S-sorry." Sasha apologized sheepishly.

Rubbing his ear, Jean tossed the sack of potatoes back in the cart and began pushing it toward the exits. Sasha opened her mouth to stop him, and then closed it. It wasn't like she needed one of the baggers to take her cart out—she wasn't a little old lady or a mom with a ton of kids and groceries—but it occurred to her that Jean might very well have the scoop on the cute cashier.

"So Jeaaaaaaan~" she began, as he began tying the bags off and putting them in the big toolbox attached to the back of her truck.

"What?" he asked distractedly.

"You gotta gimme the deets, c'mon."

"On what?"

"On that black-haired angel on checkouts!"

Jean slammed the toolbox, frowning.

"Mikasa? What do you want with her?"

"Oh, is that her name? Mikasa...Mi-ka-sa..." Sasha said experimentally, tasting the sound of the syllables in her mouth. She liked it.

"I don't know Jean. She's just like...there's something about her, you know? She's not like the rest. She's a once-in-a-lifetime girl, you can just tell." Sasha said dreamily.

Jean could tell. And he wasn't the only one, and neither was Sasha. In the two weeks Mikasa had worked at Titan Food, she'd already attracted quite a few admirers. He didn't need the idiot potato girl joining them. It was bad enough he had to watch that prick Eren Jaeger come in from the firehouse every day and pick her up for lunch. The guy didn't even give a shit; all he cared about was fighting fires. He didn't even appreciate that he was the only guy, out of dozens, that Mikasa would give the time of day.

"Don't waste your time. She's in love with some firefighter."

"Oh no!" Sasha was tearful. "Is he cute?"

"Fuck no-" Jean paused.

He had an idea. It was a rather mean, petty idea, he knew, but it wasn't like potato girl had a chance anyway. Might as well scare off some of the competition.

"He's _gorgeous_. Tall, dark, handsome...big intense green eyes."

It was all true. Sort of. Jaeger's eyes did bug out with intensity whenever he talked about fighting fires, and he was tall...compared to his side-kick Armin.

"Hehe. Sounds like you have a crush of your own, Jean." Sasha teased.

"Wha—Hell fucking no!" Jean snapped.

"What's this studly firefighter's name? I say we hook you up with him and...as repayment you can help me get Mikasa!"

"Shut the hell up Sasha!" Jean hissed.

To his horror, he'd spotted the little red economy car that belonged to none other than Armin Arlert, town librarian and amateur botanist. It was parked only a few spaces down, and the topic of discussion, Eren Jaeger, was shoving aside a potted tree to squeeze out of the tincan car of his best friend.

"Come on, I told you about Mikasa! You can at least tell me about the cute firefighter you've got your eye on!"

She was so fucking loud.

"I'm going to kill you!" Jean snarled.

He had to clench his fists tightly at his sides and remind himself that if he strangled a customer, he'd be out of a job.

Luckily, Eren was heading toward the grocery with his usual single-minded determination, utterly oblivious to anything but his goal. Armin though...was watching them and laughing behind his hand.

Jean groaned.

"I've got to get in there. You—just keep your trap shut. About all of this."

He shoved the cart angrily into the cart corral and sped inside.

"Good luck, Romeo!" Sasha called after him.

* * *

Any feedback is loved 3


	2. Is Your Lettuce Dirty?

Back home, Sasha put her groceries away, humming all the while. She had a goofy smile on her face that was usually reserved for large and delicious high-quality cuts of meat. She'd met a beautiful goddess that morning and fallen head over heels in love, and what meat could compete with that? Though there had been that grade-A beef at the last county fair...

Once everything was put away, she wasted no time in texting Connie. Mostly to demand that he get over to the Braus residence NOW. She knew he was off work and she had to share everything with someone. Who better than her best friend and platonic other half?

"This better be good Sasha. I was watching the game."

"What game?" Sasha scoffed.

"Okay, so it was re-run, but it was still really exciting."

Sasha rolled her eyes. "Forget about that."

"Yeah?"

"Connie! I'm in _love_."

"Not with me, I hope."

"As if."

"Did the guy at McDonald's give you a free cheeseburger again?"

"Shut the hell up. And yes, but it's not him. I've met a _goddess_, Connie. A beautiful, black-haired angel named Mika~sa."

Connie looked skeptical.

"Yeah, I've heard of her. Jean wouldn't shut the hell up about her. He was even moonier about her than you. He actually used the term_ raven-haired_."

"Oh, I'm not worried about him. You know he's love with this firefighter guy? Jaeger, I think his name is? Like the booze?"

"I don't think Jean's gay."

"I wouldn't think he is either, but have you seen his hair?"

"What about his hair?"

"He has very homosexual hair."

Connie facepalmed.

"What's so great about this girl anyway?"

"You don't get it Connie. If you saw her, you'd know. There's just something about her. Grace, poise, so competent...like a modern day knight. A knight in shining armor."

"I don't know about that. Though apparently everyone's into her... Jean's been bitching about the swarm of guys hanging around the store."

"Ha! They don't have a chance. That's what I called you over for. Brainstorming. We're gonna come up with a plan. A plan that's so awesome, it's gonna make her melt right into my arms. 'Oh Sasha...'"

"Look, Sasha, just don't overthink it. You don't need some complicated 'plan'. Thinking's not your strong suit." Connie said.

"Pfft. And yours is?"

"No. Which is why I know that tricky stuff doesn't work for people like us."

"You make us sound like some kind of dunderheads."

"Well, we're no brainiacs."

"Well, _you're_ not, I'll give you that." Sasha said, smirking.

Connie ignored her.

"Hey, speaking of brainiacs..."

"Yeah?"

"There this brainy chick at the library who's been checking me out" Connie said with a grin.

"The library? What were you doing at a library, Connie Springer?"

"Hey, I read."

Sasha looked at him doubtfully.

"Okay, so I've been taking back my mom's weekly round of bodice rippers for her." he conceded.

"Anyway, this cute little chick keeps coming up to me and trying to shove books on me. I think she's into me."

"What does she look like?" Sasha asked, a suspicion forming.

"She's a little taller than me, but she's all skinny and twiggy. She's got short blonde hair, and these big blue eyes that are just adorable, like a puppy or something...and totally nerdy, but in such a cute geeky way...hey, why are you laughing?"

Sasha was doubled over, letting out peals of laughter so hard she could barely catch a breath. She pounded on the table, tears forming in her eyes.

"What the hell?"

"No, no, it's too good, I can't tell you."

"C'mon Sasha, what?"

She shook her head tauntingly.

"Spill."

"Nope."

He tried his best to get the information at her, but she wouldn't give. Never one to try too tricky of a solution, he went for a tickling attack in an attempt to get her to spill—Sasha hated getting tickled. She was extremely sensitive to touch, and he'd made her pee her pants once in sixth grade during an assembly. They'd both gotten detention for it.

With that in mind, the minute his hands went for her ribs she fled to the bathroom and locked herself in, refusing to come out.

He pounded on the door for a while, but she absolutely would not come out and risk being tickled. At a loss, he gave up and went home, the mystery of the cute library girl unsolved.

Sasha waited a while, standing on the toilet seat to peer out the bathroom window and make sure that Connie really was driving away, and wasn't coming back. When she was sure he was gone, she headed out into the foyer to get some good pacing going. She thought best while she was walking around rapidly.

She needed a way to let Mikasa know she was into her...that was direct and to the point. She knew she couldn't just walk up to her and ask—no way she'd manage to do that and not chicken out—plus all the lame-brain guys that were into her probably used such lazy methods. She needed something that would win her over, show her just how special she thought Mikasa was...

Sasha reached up on top of the old harvest gold refrigerator that had served the Braus cabin since the 70's. She knew she'd left a loaf of focaccia up there somewhere...There!

She tore off a hunk and shoved it in her mouth. It was while she chewing the cheesy herbed bread furiously that the idea came to her...bread! It was so obvious.

Nothing showed your love like a home-baked loaf of delicious yummy bread. It had been the way to win her heart back in high school; she'd always been willing to go out with anyone who bought her lunch...or dinner...or cookies at the bake sale. And despite what some people said, that did _not_ make her a slut...it was just that food naturally induced love in her heart. And maybe Mikasa was the same way? She did choose to work in a grocery store, after all.

She could give Mikasa the bread, and leave a note telling her how she felt. Giving someone a gift wasn't such a meaningful action that she'd back out of it, and she could run off so she didn't have to see Mikasa's face as she read the love-confession. Potential crushing rejection: avoided. Content at having found a solution, Sasha went to peruse her cookbooks for the perfect bread recipe.

After a while she settled on her grandma's old potato bread recipe. It was her absolute favoritist, and if it was good enough for three generations of Braus's, it should be good enough for Sasha's future wife.

Baking the bread though, was the easy part. She'd made the recipe a zillion times, she could practically do it in her sleep. She used her finest and freshest ingredients (she had just made a store run, after all) and wrapped the end product up elegantly in a little linen bread bag.

Writing the note...she sat down at the desk in the living room and got to work. Plain notebook paper should work... she didn't want to mislead Mikasa into thinking she was some kind of girly-girl, so she wasn't going to use the pink post-its that she had. With little pandas on them. Because okay, she did like cute and girly things _sometimes_.

"Mikasa, I made you this bread to show you how much I love you-"

Nope.

"Hey Mikasa. Um, I'm Sasha. I know you don't really know me yet but I want to know you"

Nope.

Soon she had a growing pile of balled up rejected notes, and a growing sense of frustration.

Finally, in a furious rush, she just scrawled one line across a slip of paper and darted over to the bread bag, shoving it in. With no time to chicken out and a determined expression, she snatched up the bag of bread and ran out of the cabin.

She only slowed down to set the bread in the passenger seat of her truck with great care, before picking up her breakneck pace and driving as fast as illegally possible to the grocery store.

hr

The words on the little note inside the bag ate at her as she drove, but she refused to back out.

In a sprawling, loopy careless scrawl, she'd written with her typical simple directness:

"I'm love with you. Let's date."

As she pulled into the parking lot of Titan Food, birds scattered to avoid the onrushing car. She double-parked, not even noticing, and ran toward the store. She was almost in the entrance, and could actually see Mikasa at the register, swiping a card, when she realized she'd forgotten the damned bread. She ran back, got it, and hustled back into the store.

Running up to the register, she ignored the looks everyone gave her as she tapped Mikasa furiously on the shoulder. The old man who was waiting for his receipt looked indignant.

Unable to look Mikasa directly in the eye, Sasha just thrust the loaf of bread into her hands.

"This! For you!" she said.

Then she ran out of the store as fast as she could, actually running into the doors as they failed to open fast enough to get her out, far away.

Behind her, in the store, Mikasa stared after her for a second, with a quizzical look. Then she dismissed the random craziness and set the bread bag off the side, and resumed her grocery duty.

Out in the parking lot, Sasha dove into her car, laughing hysterically.

She dialed up Connie.

"Connie I did it! I did it!" she babbled.

"Did _what_?"

* * *

The next morning, Sasha was absolutely positive she could never go into the grocery store again. Ever. She could never go into town again, either. Ever. Mikasa was there. Mikasa, who she'd told she loved her. In such an idiotic, simplistic, creepy way. Nope. Never again. She'd just live out in the cabin forever. She could nag Connie into buying her groceries and supplies for her. Because she would burst into flame and die if Mikasa ever set eyes on her again.

Pacing back and forth once again, she reconsidered. No, that was ridiculous, she couldn't ask Connie to do that. He was too forgetful, she'd starve. She would just have to ovary up and go into town, and talk to Mikasa. She raised her fist up and adopted a look of steely determination. To town it was!

She'd gotten half way to town before the look of grim determination was replaced by one of absolute terror. Sasha turned around at the nearest lookout spot and sped back home, tail between her legs.

She fled inside the house, screen-door slamming behind her, and headed to the potato bin. Before long she had a nice mess of potatoes frying up. Potatoes! They would give her courage. And so they did.

The next time, she'd gotten a mile from town before her courage ran out and she had to pull over on the side of the road. She decided to play a trick on her mind. She was not, definitely NOT going to the grocery store, where oh god, Mikasa was likely ensconced inside. Instead, she was going to the taquería. Yep, just going to pick up some lunch and go eat with Connie. Not going to see Mikasa at all.

Her palms were sweaty and she was gripping the steering wheel too hard when she turned into Titan Food. Apparently, her mind was easily tricked.

Steely determination. Yes. Pretending she was going into the taco restaurant got her in through the store doors. The sight of Mikasa, customerless, replenishing the plastic bags at the end of the checkout lane, hit her like a ton of bricks. Stomach flutters, heart pounding. Oh, she had it bad.

She forced herself to march up to Mikasa. It was never going to get any better if she avoided it. And she sure as heck wasn't going to be reduced to shopping at the gross store in Yalkell.

When Mikasa turned those iron gray eyes on her, she had to fight to get any sound out at all.

"Soooo...did you get my note?" Sasha asked.

Mikasa continued to restock the bags at her trademark speed.

"What note?"

"W-what...what note? The one with the bread...didn't you eat it?"

"Oh. I gave it to Eren."

Sasha's mouth dropped open.

* * *

Finally! Connie arrives. And don't worry Connie-fans, he's here to stay. Oh, and credit where credit is due: I riff off of _Friends_ a lot. The "homosexual hair" line is from there, and the "are the tomatoes firm" "is the lettuce dirty?" is from the episode where Monica is interviewed by a very creepy guy making innuendos about the food she's preparing.

As always, reviews are loved.


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